Throwing Fits

Noah had another fit last night, screaming and refusing to lay back down at 2 am.  I went in, made sure he had his binkie and blanket, which he did, and went out again.

The screaming didn't stop.  I waited.  It still didn't stop.

The last time he did this, I took him downstairs and let him eat and run around a bit before laying him back down, but in my groggy state of mind last night I decided I did not want to make a habit of this.

I guard my sleep with my life.

He was grabbing at his ear a bit so I went downstairs and grabbed baby motrin, a slice of bread, and my book and headed back upstairs.  I let him out of his crib, gave him the motrin, and held him in my lap to eat a piece of bread.  He intermittently proceeded to scream, laying on the floor and throwing a fit.  No matter how I tried to soothe him, he wouldn't be consoled.  I tried whispering, which he often loves, singing, rubbing his back, holding him, carrying him.  All he would do is throw his head back, stiffen his body and scream.  So for awhile  I let him scream.  I tried (unsuccessfully) to just sit there and finish the introduction to my book.

I began to hear guitar strumming in the next room: Jadyn was now awake.  After I finished the introduction and figured he'd (still screaming) had enough time to exhaust himself, I grabbed Noah's blanket out of his crib and his binkie and held it out to him.  He reluctantly took both and I soothed him with my voice and by rubbing his back, praying in song over him for peace and health and God's Presence in his room, for a yielded heart and a calm body.  Then I laid him back down and put the blanket over his face (he really does like this!), softly said goodnight, and walked out of the room.
He was screaming, but five minutes or so later he was quiet.

Minutes to sleep stolen from me: about 56
Deeper lesson learned: Priceless!

You see, I can be like Noah too, screaming and stiffening my spiritual body, even when exhausted and in pain, while God holds out his arms and lovingly whispers: come, let me soothe you.  But for various reasons I continue to throw my tantrum rather than run into God's waiting embrace, ready to soothe my rumpled spirit.  Maybe it's disbelief that He has the best in mind for me.  Maybe it's distrust that he can fix a situation that seems impossible.  Maybe it's anger that a circumstance has been allowed in my life.  Or maybe, just mabye, I simply just want to have things my own way.

Father I ask for peace and health and Your Presence in the room of my heart, that it is yielded to you and my Spirit is calm, trusting You to do whatever it is I need.  I ask that You sing these things over me and quiet my spiritual screaming when I disbelieve or distrust or am angry or just simply want to have my own way.  Amen.